by Dawn Rose
In our journey through life, each of us as human beings is intrinsically drawn towards the yearning of sharing, togetherness, and love. Even the coldest, most withdrawn and seemingly unsociable individuals have a deep-rooted desire to share and be loved, which, having been unsatisfied on more than one levels, surfaces as the above-mentioned behavior.
This craving for togetherness and the mere fact that the male and female energies (which on the physical level are superficially being ‘separated’) yearn to come together into one, has sent most of us to the mission of finding ‘The One’. The person, who serves as that other ‘half’, or rather the other ‘part’ of our soul that will not only satisfy our yearning for Love, but will help us grow by supporting us, challenging us, and enabling us to discover viewpoints and horizons that we might otherwise never consider or even notice.
Here we come to a whole new definition of ‘The One’
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‘The One’ is not just a mystical being that exists in our dreams, but rather a real, living person, whose mere existence only makes sense if there is a deeper meaning into it! And if you look into the history of each and every species on this Earth (including human beings), it shows that we are here to EVOLUTIONIZE! Physical, mental, and spiritual evolution is what nature (or God, or The Universe, however you prefer to call it) has intended us to embark on, and the only reason we have this inborn need, desire, and longing to find ‘our better half’ is so that they can support us in this process.
This is where the mere notion of ‘The One’ has arrived, whether we realize it or not – on a very deep, subconscious level we know that we need to do what we are supposed to – grow, evolutionize, re-discover, re-invent, and improve ourselves.
And we know that the partnership with THE RIGHT person would greatly support and enable this very deep-rooted need of our psyche and soul.
The different theories about ‘The One’
Life coaches, psychologists, and different experts in the area of human relationships have nowadays turned to the notion that, in fact, there is NO ONE right person, who can serve as ‘The One’ in your life. Rather, there are a number of people, who can take this role, and it is up to you to make the right decisions in life in order to end up with one of them. Most love advice focuses on determining whether your current partner would be a suitable match to serve as ‘The One’ in your life.
The ‘old school’ notion of finding ‘The One’ is rather related to the idea that fate, destiny, the Universe, or God, has prepared for us the one and only ‘right’ person, who is meant to be ‘The One’ and walk this journey called life with us in health and sickness, in poverty and wealth, until death do us part.
Which theory about ‘The One’ is correct?
Taking a deeper look at both theories, we will realize that there is no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ here. Both of them lead to the very same result – finding a partner in life, who completes your inborn desire for physical, mental, and spiritual connection, sharing, and love, whilst enabling you to grow as a human being on all these levels. And looking at thousands of real-life examples, the lack of understanding on this second part is what leads to a lot of heartbreak and people failing to find their soulmate. We will talk about this a bit later, though.
Let’s elaborate on why the first theory might feel intuitively more correct than the ‘old school’ version nowadays. We now see that most people go through a great number of relationships, some even a few marriages, and oftentimes they believe that each time they have found ‘The One’. There are also a whole lot of those, who have turned completely cynical and seek for nothing else but satisfy their basic physical needs. At the same time, with the development of technology, social media, and a plethora of dating web platforms we live in the illusion of so much choice that the original version of ‘The One’ does seem like an outdated blast from the past.
What is the Truth about ‘The One’?
The truth has to be sought in the very same notion of evolution we talked about earlier – as each and every of us as a human being grows and develops through life, so have we as a collective changed throughout the centuries. Just as we now use airplanes to go from one continent to another in a few hours rather than months, so have our growth on a psychological and spiritual level sped up.
What does this mean? It means that if, before, it has taken us one whole lifetime to learn a lesson, and move on to the next incarnation, we can now learn this very same lesson in just a few years or even months. For example, if we had to spent a whole lifetime with a manipulative and abusive partner a few centuries ago in order to learn the lesson of self-value and self-love, now we can take this very same ‘class’ in a few years and less. Similarly, it takes less time to pay off old karma with people WE have treated badly or wrongfully in the past.
As a result, we may go through a few relationships with a few people we ‘mistake’ for the one in order to experience psychological and spiritual growth, which would, in the past, have taken us a lifetime.
Getting to the point of finding out if he ACTUALLY IS THE ONE?
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You may be wondering why I have embarked on this rather long introduction rather than cutting straight to the point of how to determine whether you have finally found ‘The One’, or even better – how to know in the early stages of dating whether the person you are seeing might be ‘The One’.
Well, I believe that having a better, much deeper understanding on the notion of ‘The One’ is already giving you the clarity that you need on your current relationship or the one you are dreaming about.
Having that new understanding and clarity, it will be much easier for you to determine whether you have found ‘The One’. It will also help you demystify your own feelings and believes about ‘The One’.
- Do you believe in ‘The One’?
- Do you believe there is a different ‘One’ for different stages in your life?
- Do you believe you have already had your fair share of heartbreaks and you are ready to find ‘The One’?
- Are you truly ready to commit to ‘The One’?
I highly recommend that you ponder on each of these questions, as knowing yourself better is half the road to having a happy and truly satisfying love life.
Now, having clarified your views on ‘The One’ and your own belief system, here are the
5 Steps To Find Out if He is ‘The One’ And THE MISSING LINK No One Talks About
1. Do you want to JUMP him?
OK, this may sound a bit off to you, considering what we talked about earlier, but when we build a house, we simply need to start doing so from the ground up. What I wanted to ask with this question is ‘Do you want to ‘F***’ him?
No matter how much we look for a deep spiritual connection, a mental stimulus, and a ‘partner in crime’ for our weekend adventures, if you are not truly and strongly physically attracted to your partner, he definitely isn’t ‘The One’.
Having sex and reproducing is what makes us all exist today, and physical attraction is not there so that we can have a whole lot of breathtaking orgasms with different partners. Being physically attracted to your partner and feeling stimulated to have sex with them is the very first basic-level requirement, which you simply cannot dismiss if you are looking to find ‘The One’.
Of course, initial physical attraction can alter with time, but a good pointer is the first six months of a relationship – if you haven’t developed a strong yearning for your partner’s physical intimacy within the first six months of a relationship, it might be a good idea to move on.
2. Do you feel truly comfortable with him in public and with your family and friends?
OK, this is NOT about caring about what others think, NOT AT ALL. Please, do take a minute to have the following explanation sink deeply into your mind.
Feeling truly comfortable with someone around strangers and relatives is a very strong indicator that he is the right person for you, because it signifies that for one, there are no red flags he has given you that you are trying to deny yourself, and two – the person has shown you their value beyond outer appearance.
What does this mean? Very often we feel extremely attracted to someone in the very early stages of a relationship, and our desire for them to be the person we are looking for is so strong, that we create this bubble of illusion around them. We start ignoring some unacceptable behaviors they demonstrate or we simply start giving them qualities they don’t possess, simply because we are so drawn to the idea that finally we have found our soulmate.
Our subconscious mind, though, records and knows everything, and it is trying to talk to us in different ways. One of them may be feeling uncomfortable with this person around family and friends as well as strangers. What happens is that subconsciously we know something is off, and we try to deny it to ourselves, because we are not willing to burst our own bubble of illusion. Most of the time, we start frantically protecting our illusion, denying our inner voice the right to guide us.
On the other hand, if we know on a very deep level that this person truly values, deserves, loves, and respects us, we will feel completely comfortable with them around family and friends, no matter what their initial opinion. Truth of the matter is, if this really is ‘The One’, sooner or later the people closest to us will agree on that too, and it will just feel ‘right’, rather than us trying to prove an ideal of him that simply doesn’t exist.
3. Do you truly share your values and long-term goals?
Again, this is something you may have heard before, but do take a minute to take a different viewpoint to it. There will ALWAYS be values that you share, and there will be such, which you should be able to accommodate for each other.
For example, sharing the value of loyalty must be shared by both.
If you have been having doubts about your partner’s integrity, or you have already found them to be lying or cheating, there is no point in waiting for them to change. If you don’t have the same moral values from the very beginning of the relationship, then most probably they are NOT ‘The One’. You simply cannot expect one to change this in the course of a relationship – rather, they have to enter one with a clear-cut set of moral values that MUST match yours from the very beginning.
On the other hand, there might be things that both of you would be able to accommodate. A very common example nowadays is veganism and vegetarianism. As long as both of you respect each other’s view on the subject and talk out an arrangement as to how this difference can work out for both of you, this definitely is something that can be accommodated into a long-term loving relationship.
How to know which values are set in stone and which can be accommodated?
Well, this is entirely up to you to decide, and I do believe each of us learns this in the course of their lives. I would suggest a few ones that you should definitely have set in stone for yourself:
- Loyalty
- Never accepting abusive behavior (physical or emotional)
- Honesty (if someone doesn’t have a very strong stance about telling the truth, no matter what it costs, you might be getting yourself into a lot of trouble in the long term)
And the list may go on.
4. Can he ‘Scuba-Dive’?
What does this mean? Consider this. We, as human beings were mean to breathe air in order to be able to survive, and we cannot do so under water…. Or at least not for a very long time. However, we still can spend and enjoy some periods of time under water.
What I am referring to is the following – can your partner survive well enough in situations that are not his usual and comfortable environment, so that they can accommodate your needs? Are they able to spend a weekend with your family without nagging at you for a whole week afterwards, making you feel like you owe them?
In fact, nothing that your partner does should be followed by behavior that makes you feel like you owe them. If the relationship doesn’t feel like a natural flow of mutual interests, interests that you don’t share, but support each other on, and interests that you accommodate for each other in order to show care and respect, then most probably he isn’t ‘The One’.
What does this mean? If he feels extremely uncomfortable about some of your hobbies or passions and shows it.
If he finds it very annoying to join you into doing something that means a lot to you.
If he openly dislikes time spent with your family and friends.
In a loving relationship, built on mutual respect and care, one doesn’t feel like it is a burden to create time and space for their loved one, even if this is not their usual or most comfortable environment. And they never make it feel like the other owns them!
5. Can he truly take on the responsibility of being ‘The One’?
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What does this mean? The mere notion of ‘The One’ suggests a long-term, even lifelong relationship, where two people basically share everything together – from career dreams, to children, a mutual home, and basically supporting each other while sharing everything in all areas of life.
One of the biggest problems of today’s society is because of so much freedom of choice and liberal views, young men and women got used to fleeing from responsibility to build something long-term and stable. Rather, a lot of them give you the illusion that they do, only so that they can experience this rush of adrenaline and wonderful feeling of ‘butterflies in your stomach’, this pleasure of sharing certain experiences – physical and mental. And, you usually fall for it with the hope that they are truly seeking the long-term commitment that you do.
Some of the partners you meet do this consciously, some do this completely unconsciously, and this is when relationships can get extremely ugly and hurtful. Once we realize the person we’ve thought to be ‘The One’ never actually intended to build this castle of shared love, responsibility, and life-long hardships, joys, and adventures with us, we feel lied to, misled, and deeply afflicted. These feelings ‘pile’ onto our heart, making it less loving and spontaneous with the next partner, which on the other hand makes it even harder for us to achieve our goal of finding ‘The One’.
So, how can we really know from the start?
To be honest, this is very hard to do, because one needs to be extremely observant, and has to be equipped with the exactly right combination of emotion and logic to be able to recognize a truly reliable person, prone to long-term commitment from one that simply creates the illusion of it.
Some pointers are of course to observe how reliable and trustworthy they have been in other areas of their life, as well as how long have their previous relationships have lasted. These may still not be good enough indicators, though, as your own logic and reasoning may trick you. Which brings us to
‘The Missing Link’ To Find ‘The One’ No One Talks About
The reason for so much disappointment in our love lives and our struggle to get to ‘The One’ faster, with less heartbreak and confusion, is the unique mix of strong emotion, physical attraction, and our own strong desire to find True Love that bring us to a delusional reality of our own, where we find ourselves unfit to find the right balance between feelings and reasoning to make the right choices in our lives.
The string of bad decisions may become even longer after every next failed relationship, because our frustration grows, as long as our impatience to finally meet a person we are truly compatible with.
This means that ALL of the above-written advice I have set out for you may be of no use, since you may twist the facts to suit your wants and desires. Most likely, your desire to have finally found ‘The One’!
Luckily, there is a great solution, which we have tested to prove of great help for thousands of couples! And it’s FREE!
Wait a minute, this is not a soft sell for something that will ‘magically’ make all your dreams come true! In fact it costs, nothing at all!
Here to the rescue comes numerology, which is an ancient, time-proven method to help make decisions, stripped of unhealthy thought patterns and emotions. The numerology calculator we have created here on Love Synastry serves as a Missing Link between your own feelings and reasoning to help you determine whether a relationship is truly good for you in the long term.
The Love Compatibility Calculator we have created is based on a number of ancient techniques, has been time-tested on thousands of couples over the course of 25 years, and is COMPLETELY FREE, no strings attached, no email required.
We have created this tool with the mere intention to help more people in today’s confused world to find a shortcut to true love by quickly spotting the ‘wrong ones’.
In the early stages of a relationship or just dating it can indeed, be very hard to determine what is illusion, what is reality:
- Is this a red flag? Is he really being rude?
Is he truly the put-together, responsible guy that he presents themselves to be?
Is he truly ready for a long-term commitment?
We have found a method to examine the deep psychological inclinations of each person just by their birth date, and to give you a helping hand in making THE RIGHT DECISIONS in your love life.
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Why waste the time when the long-term potential is simply not there?
Always trust your own gut feeling, too, of course! But The Love Synastry App may as well provide that Missing Link you need to move faster in the sea of ‘wrong ones’ to finally land on the island of ‘Happily Ever After’ with your soulmate, with your ‘One and only’!
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